I am currently suffering with Postnatal Depression & Anxiety, I have suffered with depression & anxiety for years so you would have thought I would know how to deal with it by now, but nope.. I’m still struggling. I know how it feels to be alone, so I figured I would write this post in hope that it will help another mama out.. If you are struggling or have struggled with postnatal depression, this blog post is dedicated to you:
Dear Mama, you are enough. If you’re having a bad day and you don’t see it getting better anytime soon please remember that it is NOT your fault. I know you, I’ve been where you are. I look at you and I see myself.
Dear Mama sobbing on the bathroom floor, I’ve been there. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom & cried because I needed a break.
Dear Mama sat there with tears in your eyes as your baby sleeps so peacefully next to you. I see you. It feels like nobody understands that your baby (who is perfect in so many ways) just doesn’t feel like yours.
Dear Mama pretending that everything is okay, faking a smile whenever somebody asks how you are. I feel you. You can’t understand how people who are supposed to love you and know you so well, can’t see what is happening. You just want somebody to understand, somebody to take it all away just for a second.
Dear Mama who is up at 3 am rocking your baby to sleep, staring out of the window into the darkness. I am you. Its so quiet, everybody seems to be sleeping except you. You sit there and just cry, you let it all out because its just you and your baby, you’re alone and no one needs to see how broken you feel inside.
Dear Mama who can’t face getting out of bed, I know how it feels. I’ve spent days under the covers wishing the world would go away. I know how it feels to not feel like you’re good enough for your baby. I know what you’re going through.
You never signed up for this, you never wanted to feel like this. You’re confused, frustrated and angry that nobody warned you. But I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT your fault, no matter what your brain is telling you, its NOT your fault. Nobody welcomes depression, it is an intruder.. it creeps up on you and before you even know it you’re stuck.
Depression is a powerful illness, its so strong but so are you.
Everyday you are fighting whether you know it or not, you are still here fighting and that is so important. The first time you tell someone about it, the first phone call to the doctor or even the first thought you have about picking up the phone – you’re fighting. The first time you take medication, write down how you’re feeling or even attend your first counselling session. You are fighting, each and every day and you should be so proud of yourself.
Every day you fight a little bit more until you have out-smartened this very much unwanted intruder. You are aware of it at all times and you watch its every move. You start to learn more about it, you start to work out its triggers & before long you will realise that YOU have the power, yes you.
You’ve got this mama, and one day you will know it too.
Its not your fault, I promise. Dear mama, you are enough.