Anxiety Ruined My Life, But I am Thankful

I have suffered with anxiety for 7 years now since the age of 12. The first time I ever felt anxious, I felt like I was dying and I remember doing all that I could to get out of having to go to school, or having to go out at all for that matter. I wrote a post last week about Bullying and honestly, being bullied knocks your confidence by a hell of a lot.

This was my mum’s instant thought, she thought I was being bullied. I had been bullied in the past, but that wasn’t what the problem was. The problem was, I didn’t know what the problem was & that is what was so scary about it. I was in and out of the doctors surgery thinking I had something wrong with me but there was nothing.. When I was 11 years old my youngest brother was born & I spent a lot of the first year helping my dad look after him as my mum had to leave the country & visit my grandma who was unfortunately very unwell. This made me grow up alot, but it also made my anxiety brew. When I was 12, I received counselling in a small room at my primary school, but all I can remember was filling out charts and writing down reasons as to why I was feeling this way. If I’m honest, I felt like nobody understood what I was going through but how could they if not even I knew.

When I started at Secondary School I suffered a small amount for the first 2 years but it was manageable, until year 10 when my anxiety got so bad that I had to take a lot of time off school. I was in and out of the doctors, again thinking that I was dying or that there was something drastically wrong. My Grandad has ventricular tachycardia which is a heart condition, One of my symptoms when I have a panic attack is that my heart starts to pound so fast that it feels like it’s going to come out of my chest. At one point they thought that maybe I was suffering with the same condition & they did lots of tests to see what was going on. Again, I was told it was just down to anxiety and I was referred to CAMHS (Children and Adolescents Mental Health Services) they helped me a lot. I was with them for 3 years until I was discharged.

My anxiety was crippling and If I am brutally honest with you, it ruined my life. Anxiety stopped me from living, it took away my friends, I missed out on weekend parties, shopping with the girls, going to events, and eventually it stopped me from leaving the house. It took away my education and restricted my life a lot. I couldn’t leave the house without having a panic attack and thinking that somebody was following me, I couldn’t go to school without freaking out and walking in the other direction. It got to the point where I couldn’t go to class anymore, I had to sit in a room on my own to be able to get my work done without having to leave. I couldn’t walk to school at the same time as everybody else because I couldn’t cope with the crowds of people. I couldn’t do my exams like everybody else, I had to drop half of them and do them in a room on my own. I didn’t go to prom because I couldn’t face it. Anxiety hurts.

I am now an adult, I have a daughter of my own and although my anxiety disorder is no where near as bad as what it was, it still affects me on a daily basis. I can’t leave the house on my own without panicking, but sometimes I have to fight this for the sake of my little girl. I very rarely ever go to a shop on my own, and I am still quite scared of driving alone, I always wait for my partner to finish work to go out anywhere. I know that this isn’t ideal and my anxiety does still stop me from doing a lot but I am a lot better than I was and I am thankful for that.

Unfortunately Anxiety makes you rely on others a lot and it also makes you very paranoid & on edge but this isn’t something that I can really do anything about and this is why I am so thankful to my partner for sticking by me and supporting me every step of the way. I would not have been able to do this without him.  In adulthood, I still don’t know how to deal with my anxiety at some points but what I do know – is that I never ever want my daughter to suffer like I have. I hope that she never ever has to experience these horrible feelings. I am thankful that I got to experience all of this because now I know how to help other people, and I know what to look out for if my own daughter ever starts to feel like this. Anxiety ruined my life, but I’m thankful.


Stress and anxiety – Do you know the difference?

The terms stress and anxiety are often used interchangeably, but can you recognise the differences? The term stress usually describes feelings experienced when the demands made on an individual are greater than their ability to manage, and we often know precisely what it is we are feeling stressed about, e.g. starting a new job, sitting an exam or attending an interview.

But, anxiety is an unease about something with an uncertain outcome – and that unease can exist even when the cause of the worry is gone. Symptoms of anxiety include feelings of worry, apprehension and uncertainty. Sufferers might find they are worrying all the time, perhaps about things that are a regular part of everyday life or things that are unlikely to happen – or even worrying about worrying! Anxiety can also affect the body, causing issues such as a racing heartbeat, nausea, headaches, and muscle tension.

Anxiety can become problematic when it is excessive or present over a long period of time. Long term, anxiety can impact on quality of life and wellbeing.

So, what can be done to relieve periods of anxiety?

For the first time in the UK, there is now a new option to relieve the symptoms of mild anxiety with uniquely prepared, pharmaceutical quality lavender oil – in a one-a-day capsule.

The results of over 15 clinical trials have shown that a daily capsule of the uniquely prepared lavender oil can relieve the symptoms of anxiety, with benefits notable in just one to two weeks, and the benefits are comparable to commonly used anti-anxiety medications. One study found that symptoms in 70% of those taking the lavender oil capsules were rated as ‘much’ or ‘very much’ improved when reassessed by researchers at the end of treatment.

The anxiety relieving effects of this uniquely prepared, pharmaceutical quality lavender oil are now available for the first time in the UK, only in new Kalms Lavender One-A-Day Capsules.

Kalms Lavender One-A-Day Capsules is a traditional herbal medicinal product used for the temporary relief of the symptoms of mild anxiety such as stress and nervousness, exclusively based on long standing use as a traditional herbal remedy. Always read the label.

Kalms Lavender One-A-Day capsules are available in Boots, Asda and online at

RRP £6.49

I have tried a handful of different remedy products to try and ease my anxiety and alongside Bach Rescue Remedy and pastilles, Kalms have been a big help. I have never been one to like swallowing tablets but sometimes you don’t have a choice when the anxiety gets so bad. I am still yet to try these new Kalms Lavender Capsules but from my experience with this brand in the past, they have proved to be quite effective.

I hope that this post helps spread awareness and makes others realise that they are not alone when it comes to feeling anxious. If anybody ever needs a chat, my inbox is always open and I am happy to help.

Feel free to share this post with as many people as you know, I would like this story to help at least one other person.

Thanks for reading,

Zoe x

5 thoughts on “Anxiety Ruined My Life, But I am Thankful

  • this was such an honest blog post so well done you. Talking about your own experiences is going to make such a difference to so many people xx

  • Thank you so much for posting this. Sometimes I feel so lonely because I feel that other people with anxiety seem to handle it so much better than me but to read that you too, have suffered the same extent I feel less like a failure as a person in general. I feel awful that you’ve experienced something this awful too but at the same time I feel far less alone. All my love beautiful x

  • Your not on your own Zoe, I have had it for years, mine began 41 -42 years ago. I reared its head again about 4-5 years ago, and sometimes still get anxious and very stressed, I find writing helps me. You have Alyssia to focus on. I am so proud of you, you have come such a long way in such a short time. And met every battle with such courage and strength. You will conquer this one day. As for Kalms, I didn’t know about the lavender one, maybe I will try it . Well done my new hero ! xx

  • Thank you for sharing your story with us, you’re not alone Zoe a lot of moms suffer from anxiety as well. It sounds like you have a great partner that supports you and understands #Blogstravaganza

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