“I don’t feel beautiful” Body Positivity & Me

“I don’t feel beautiful” Body Positivity & Me

I struggled with body positivity way before having Alyssia, for years before having her in fact and I have never really been happy with my body. But why? This is a question I have been asked by many doctors, counsellors & friends.. why not? I don’t know, I’m just not. Before falling pregnant I struggled with eating, and hated looking in the mirror but when I fell pregnant, things changed. It took me a while to get used to my new body but things changed. My thoughts changed, my feelings changed, but more importantly my life changed.

Going from a size 6 to a size 14 and housing a bump is a massive change in itself and just as you get used to it, you go through labour, your baby arrives and all of a sudden you have a brand new body, again. It took me a very long time to get used to my body after a baby and looking at myself without a bump was very weird. You would have thought that as a new mum I wouldn’t have cared much about my appearance, but I did. I’ve always been someone who likes to cover up, wear a face full of make up & even now I don’t leave the house without my ‘wall paint’.

At first I didn’t have time to do my makeup or wear nice clothes because I was busy with my new baby & you would have thought that my body and appearance wouldn’t have affected me yet, but it did.. it really did. I was that new mum who would look in the mirror in the morning & hate what I saw. But I would keep it to myself until one day my partner asked me why I kept covering myself up. “You’re beautiful, why do you keep covering yourself up?” He didn’t care what I looked like, he had seen me given birth but that didn’t stop me telling him “I don’t feel beautiful” it was hard and I wasn’t ever prepared to feel like this.

I feel like the lack of confidence that comes with your ‘postpartum body’ isn’t something that is talked about enough. I know for sure that I’m not the only new mum who has said to their partners that they don’t feel beautiful whether that be because of the saggy tummy they’re trying to hide with a pair of high waisted jeans or because their boobs are now pretty much non-existent. When I was pregnant I put on about a stone and I’m sure that half of it was on my boobs, I didn’t think that they would ever change but since having a baby they’ve practically disappeared, deflated infact and now I understand why people consider breast enlargements. It’s so strange how much your body changes when you’re pregnant and again after having your baby.

I’m now 20 months (1.5 years) postpartum and I am still struggling with body confidence but no where near as bad as I used to. I’m starting to accept my body for what it is now & that is such a big step, right? A few weeks ago I went out and spent my birthday money on some new clothes & make-up and I wrote a post about finding my style after having a baby. Having clothes that fit and that are actually slightly in fashion, makes all the difference. So if you’re looking for a little pick me up, buy yourself something pretty and remind yourself that you too are beautiful.

 

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1 Comment

  1. Susan Wood
    October 26, 2017 / 8:21 pm

    Shall I tell you something Zoe, you are beautiful inside and out, and I am not saying that as a great auntie, but because it is true. And I love you loads x

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