It’s October! When did this happen? The year has absolutely flown by and it’s getting closer and closer to my 19th birthday. My daughter is 19 months old now and I’m still suffering with anxiety. I mean, what can I expect I’ve been suffering for years but not this badly.. depression has played a big part in my life, I had it before Alyssia & also after, but the problem is that It’s still affecting me to the point where I hardly leave the house. I feel the mum guilt on a daily basis & I panic about all sorts of things. I don’t know why, but I do. However, I have decided to crack down on it & punch my anxiety square in the face (not literally, but you know what I mean) things need to change, so I am setting my self a little challenge, a few little challenges actually..
- Get up dressed & maybe put some make up on every day in October – Now I used to be someone that would put makeup on and get dressed the moment I woke up, but now I just don’t have the time, effort or motivation and I hate to admit it, but I pretty much only get dressed if I need to go out or if somebody’s coming round. The same with makeup, I have found that getting up earlier & setting myself a little bit of time to get myself ready and looking half presentable, has given me a massive confidence boost and I want to feel like that every single day, even if we don’t go anywhere.. which brings me onto my next challenge.
- Leave the house at 3 times a week – I didn’t realise this was such a problem until the week had suddenly flown by and I hadn’t left the house in 7 days.. what is wrong with me? I hadn’t even noticed & that was quite concerning. I wasn’t hiding away on purpose, I just had no interest in seeing anybody and just wanted to sleep & stay inside with the curtains shut. This is NOT good & is a massive sign of depression taking over. This also made it a lot harder to leave the house afterwards because I hadn’t been out in the ‘real world’ in so long that I felt so uneasy. I am making it my challenge to leave the house at least 3 times a week in October, whether that be to go out for the day or to just simply go & check the mail.
- Be more positive – I’m generally quite a positive person but sometimes my thoughts get the better of me & I start to speak the way I feel which isn’t always good.
- Blogtober – Now this is a challenge in itself, I am blogging every single day this month.. yay!
I just want things to be easier & not so much a struggle. In general, I’m very happy with my life currently. I have a beautiful little family and we have exciting plans for the future but my mental health can be very temperamental and while I am often quite happy, it can easily go wrong so here I am trying to better myself for October.