If you ask me what I want out of life you’ll hear me tell you that I want to be a good mum, I want my children to be happy, safe and healthy. My answers will always revolve around my children, my family.
I always put others first. I am constantly worrying about what others think, what others want etc.. But I have come to realise that actually I am not any less important and I need somebody to think about me and my feelings. Honestly, I have lost myself.. this has happened before and it’s happening again. I spend so much time thinking about other people, being mummy, being housewife, being a partner that I have forgotten about myself and put myself last. I love that my life revolves around them, I really do.. but I need some time to myself too.
When Alyssia was a newborn I would constantly be trying to remember when her next feed was, when she needed her nappy changed, how long shes napped etc that it literally took over my life and some days I didn’t even get dressed, I forgot to eat, I forgot to look after myself.. I never even realised that it was happening because I was so wrapped up in ‘trying to be a good mum’. But because it has happened before, this time I am recognising the symptoms. I have been running on empty for quite a while now and I think it’s about time that something changed.
Being a mum is amazing, I absolutely love it and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it is hard work at times too. Recently I have realised that life is too short and with the recent terrorist attacks happening in the world and all the lying and cheating. I don’t need or want anymore negativity in my life.
Since the attacks I have been so paranoid, I am constantly on edge and am scared for my daughters future, the world is a scary place but we’re all in this together and sometimes you just have to choose the good people and cut out the bad. I am sick of getting so upset over people that don’t care, people that don’t make the effort or even ask how my daughter is.. My daughter is 16 months old and I can count on one hand the amount of times certain people have been to see her. Worrying about what people think and how others feel is exhausting, it makes me feel so stressed and my anxiety hits the roof. I have had enough of feeling like this and from now on, I refuse to associate myself with negative people.
This brings me back to something that my counsellor once said to me “You can’t hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life” how true is that? After being around negative people, I feel negative myself.. I always feel really down and depressed, I feel drained like I need an alcoholic drink just to take the edge off of things but that is no way to live your life.. Why should I be made to feel like that if I don’t need to? I have a choice, we all have choices and mine is to cut out the negativity.
Surround yourself with good people and don’t bother with anyone else, put yourself first for once.
“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you’re around”
Thanks for reading,